"I have a secret desire to be an artist and writer, but I’m afraid to make my creative self my main self." - Anxious Artist
Dear Anxious Artist,
It's interesting you say you want to make your creative self your "main self." I believe your creative self IS your main self, it's at the core of who you are and what lights you up.
Which is precisely why you're scared - and rightfully so! When you take the thing you hold most precious about yourself and expose it to the world for judgment... it's a raw, vulnerable, scary place to be.
Because failing isn't just about what happens to your bank account.
It's about what happens to your self-esteem. Your burden is what a potential failure says about you, your identity, and your worth.
You've added to your burden by keeping your desire secret. And the problem with secrets is that they fester - and you along with it.
Let's face the fear head-on: imagine you give yourself one year to make your creative pursuits your main source of income. List out all potential "what ifs":
What if I can't sell anything?
What if I get stuck?
What if I suck?
What if I'm a one-hit wonder?
What if I make a decent living but never "hit the big time"?
What if the pressure to monetize my passion makes it...no longer my passion?
👉 Will it still have been worth it to try?
I think what you actually desire is to center your creativity more in your life. Assigning income to it is a way of centering it; it's also a huge task and too big of a leap.
A roadmap to change requires an action step small enough to take. So instead of asking how to make your creative self your main self, ask yourself this:
What is currently in my way of spending more time and energy being creative?
Based on those obstacles, what is in my control and/or ability to impact?
What are sustainable habits I can develop that will make it easier to continue to center my creativity?
After you map all this out, estimate reasonable timelines on everything and put them on your calendar. As you strengthen your creativity muscle, you'll gain energy and who knows, maybe some money.
In which case, the leap to full-time artist won't be so much of a leap after all.